Friday, August 29, 2014


will you come calling today
I asked my breath in hushed whisper?

why do you doubt she asked
examining her perfect nails
tossing back her lustrous mane
flicking off the invisible lint
straightening the already smooth kurta?

recalling the restless night
the tossing and turning
the burnt out candles
the tissue strewn floor
gazing out to an unseen scene
with the ghost of smile playing on my lips, I said
'it would be ok if you couldn't, you know
it really wouldn't matter if you couldn't'.

Depression, or not

Depression is not kind, depression makes a mockery of you being alive, depression makes you wonder why you are alive but you are too apathetic to do something about your being called alive.

'Depression' has become a badge of honor these days.

Sucks to say this but the fact is that a large percentage of population who call their condition as depression are not really depressed. They may be feeling whole bunch of things that depressed people actually feel but it still is not depression.

Those of you who are taking umbrage at this, you are not depressed. If you were, you would not care who called you depressed or called you not-depressed. Accepting this will help you look for the real problems. What is it that is setting this feeling that you feel? Look for it. You will think you have the answer and you will need to find solutions for the problem. And then BAM, you are still struggling. So you repeat the process, look for problem, decide possible solutions and perhaps resolve a part of it.

It is a thankless process because no one knows or understands that you are actively working on the problem(s). On the outside, there might not be many changes or they think you are faking changes. Bugger. You want them to accept that you are making a difference, that you think you are doing better and to be supportive. They may even say words of support but you can't feel honesty in them.

Now is the most crucial part – you need to forget them and see what is best for you. Their skepticism, their calling your names, their indifference should not make you waver in your resolve to get out of the pit you are in. Your life is for you. If others can be part of you, that is great. But at the end of the day, you need to be able to think about yourself with pride.

This has been my journey. Be kind. If you can't be kind, trust me I will still be kind to you. I know how much I yearned for kindness and support. I will always give it to you, no matter what.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Aim of life - Part 1

Today, after responding to a tweet by Karthik Srinivasan (@beastoftraal), I realized a truth. I want to create pleasant situations in life and for that all I need to do is to be compassionate, supportive, accepting, caring person

The conversation between Karthik and me might give you some idea where I am coming from: 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Writing in the sand

I remember the time
when I wrote your name in the sand.
They said, it will be washed away
if I just let it be.

I let it be, but not the sand.
It carries my heart
my tears, my laughter.
It carries the moments
when we held hands,
the times when I made tea
we loved to drink together.

The sand, the air,
the sunlight, the phone line
carry the conversations
not yet buried.

And so, I can't let it be. Not yet.  

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Self Indulgent Pain

will I see tomorrow
bright and shiny
and painless

crushed spirit
at every step
when pain recedes in background
and shame
takes the centrestage
shame in the limp
shame in the slow gait
shame in bloated body

they don't let it up
their vice-like grip
crushes bones
and the muscles
and the hope
of a bright and shiny and painless tomorrow

Sunday, November 25, 2012


Some things are so true and alive within that your thoughts, conditioning, societal attitude cannot hide them from your consciousness. These things, sometimes wrapped and packed away at your insistence, come out in open to tell you that it is ok to accept them as they are. 

They do not need your judgement or demand any action. They just stay untainted by anything - clean, crisp, shiny, noble.

It feels good to know this and accept it.

There is no struggle now.

Nor are there any questions about it either.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Warlord of Israel

One millimeter at a time
blood spreads
on the floor
on shirts, on streets, on humanity
mingling with laughter, 
joy of victory
satisfaction at killings.

of my own death.