Focus
Now that I am recklessly Jobless, people demand certain answers from me. They expect me to be able to define the focus of my life. When I say life, read it as earning a living. From last Saturday to this day, which incidentally is exactly a week, nothing has changed much – well, except for the fact I can no longer be considered gainfully employed.
As far as I can recollect, I was as unclear about where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do a week ago, as I am today. The only difference that I can see is that now I have a chance to give a direction to my life. How far I will travel in the new direction, how long will I travel is as uncertain as the next breath that I might draw in.
It’s a very interesting phase. I realise that we are so much a creatures of habit. When I opted for the last job, after making the decision, I quickly fell into a mindless pattern. Getting up in the morning, going to office, working there - doing some good work, some repetitive work, and some lackadaisical work, returning back, retiring for the night and being happy that day had been spent well. But there was no questioning as to where I was going, whether I really wanted to go there, if there was some other direction that I could divert my working life towards. No goals, no dreams, in fact as far as I can see nothing was defined and then re-looked at to ascertain whether they still held true or not. What a waste! Why didn’t I question what my focus was?
And how can I separate what I do for a living from what I want the focus of my life to be. Unless everything is an integrated cohesive whole, it would be a waste of energy, riddled with conflict and in all probability lead to an unhappy me.
An ‘unhappy me’ is definitely not going to happen. So the seed of this discovery of focus is that whatever decisions I take, it has to lead to a ‘happy me’. Easier said than done. I mean, it’s not so difficult to be happy; in fact, the easiest way in the world to be. i.e. unless I loose the focus and let other things intrude. Things like taking a path that is attractive, interesting, offers lots of perks that would definitely make me happy and yet would not really be a right piece of the jigsaw that I am/want to be.
So I have got to be careful. Be aware so that I do not fall into another pattern and loose focus.
Next logical question is – who do I want to be? Damn! This is where my vehicle always grinds to a halt. I find that fear hold me in it’s grip; that I am afraid to spell out what I want to be and what I want to do. Dare I take the plunge this day? Maybe, just for a moment, give wings to what beats so magnificently in my being? Dare I?
As far as I can recollect, I was as unclear about where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do a week ago, as I am today. The only difference that I can see is that now I have a chance to give a direction to my life. How far I will travel in the new direction, how long will I travel is as uncertain as the next breath that I might draw in.
It’s a very interesting phase. I realise that we are so much a creatures of habit. When I opted for the last job, after making the decision, I quickly fell into a mindless pattern. Getting up in the morning, going to office, working there - doing some good work, some repetitive work, and some lackadaisical work, returning back, retiring for the night and being happy that day had been spent well. But there was no questioning as to where I was going, whether I really wanted to go there, if there was some other direction that I could divert my working life towards. No goals, no dreams, in fact as far as I can see nothing was defined and then re-looked at to ascertain whether they still held true or not. What a waste! Why didn’t I question what my focus was?
And how can I separate what I do for a living from what I want the focus of my life to be. Unless everything is an integrated cohesive whole, it would be a waste of energy, riddled with conflict and in all probability lead to an unhappy me.
An ‘unhappy me’ is definitely not going to happen. So the seed of this discovery of focus is that whatever decisions I take, it has to lead to a ‘happy me’. Easier said than done. I mean, it’s not so difficult to be happy; in fact, the easiest way in the world to be. i.e. unless I loose the focus and let other things intrude. Things like taking a path that is attractive, interesting, offers lots of perks that would definitely make me happy and yet would not really be a right piece of the jigsaw that I am/want to be.
So I have got to be careful. Be aware so that I do not fall into another pattern and loose focus.
Next logical question is – who do I want to be? Damn! This is where my vehicle always grinds to a halt. I find that fear hold me in it’s grip; that I am afraid to spell out what I want to be and what I want to do. Dare I take the plunge this day? Maybe, just for a moment, give wings to what beats so magnificently in my being? Dare I?
blogged by Asmita at 11:33 pm
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